Back to India!

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Last Saturday, Emily Kreutz and I were deep in discussion about the possibility that neither of us would go to India for the graduation. We started wondering if the story we’re telling with Breaking the Cycle is much bigger and broader than the graduation of one school. Kicking around ideas about going on our own later this year or just going for next year’s graduation, and some of the benefits those options would afford us, we found ourselves at peace with the idea of staying behind, particularly with the amount of stress it lifted from our shoulders.

By Sunday Monday night, Emily had composed a list of reasons to go and not to go. We talked it through on Skype, and in the end I told her I thought she should go. Plans were set into motion for how she would go about production on her own, with general help here and there from other people going for the graduation. I was completely surrendered to the idea of not going, and I began planning what I would do to help her (loaning her all my camera equipment, my Kata bag, hard drives, etc). However, toward the end of the Skype call, I decided to take a look at what money I had coming in, what invoices I would be sending out soon, and what donations had come in.

I soon realized that there was a possibility that I could actually possibly afford to go after all. I contacted a client and asked how fast I could get paid for my next invoice (which at the moment will be sent off Monday or Tuesday). It turned out that was not going to show up fast enough to go toward my trip. As the week went on, people started asking if I was going or not, and in the process offering gifts in the hundreds of dollars if I did end up going.

By Wednesday, I laid out where I was in the whole process at our Wednesday night bible study, and  people began asking specifically how many dollars I needed and when. Lori Taylor, who has led these trips almost every year for the past 9 years, pointed out that as long as my job hunt hasn’t turned anything up by now, I might as well go. I made a spreadsheet and it turned out I would be short $870 prior to the trip, which was less than half of the total trip cost. I figured that if any kind soul would be able to front the money for my ticket, I could pay them back about half before the trip, and the rest after the trip, and still be able to keep up on my bills just fine.

Right about the time last night that I decided I’d try to get a small short-term loan (at which point I was feeling like I was forcing the whole thing too much), I received a text informing me that a certain teammate would put my ticket on their credit card to make sure I could go, and allow me to pay them back.

So by 6:00 tonight, Emily and I had matching itineraries booked, and on March 4th, we will set off for the second overseas shoot for Breaking the Cycle.

This was a week of great uncertainty, and I saw God at work through the people around me. Even after I had reasoned my way out of going, I now find myself being sent to India a third time. Last year, my funds came in in the nick of time. I trusted that such a thing could happen again, but I was brought to the point of surrendering any personal reasons for wanting to go and letting it all go. This has resulted in a much deeper rejoicing in the fact that I now get to go. I have more motivation than before to produce my absolute best work on this trip. I am thankful beyond measure for the people around me–you each know who you are.

And hey, I get to leave this snowy mess for a couple weeks and enjoy some of this :P

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Now if you will excuse me, I have a bunch of roto to still finish up this weekend, as well as few more shifts at the theater, and somewhere in there, find some sleep (I will likely just skip that last part).

Back to India (I hope)

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To friends, family, and anyone who has been interested in what I do:

As you are no doubt aware, I have been blessed these past couple years with the opportunity to travel to India, where I have had the privilege of meeting and spending time with hundreds of Dalit children. The impact of my 2011 trip was so powerful that upon returning, I began planning the production of a documentary, and with the help of many of you, that project is underway. Part of what we would like to cover in the film is the graduation of the first class from our school, and that graduation will take place on March 8th. Emily Kreutz—who has been a remarkable partner on this project—and I have planned all along on returning in three weeks for a 10-day trip to cover the graduation, gather more b-roll, and conduct some more interviews.

However, the snag I have run into is a lack of funds to pay for my trip. Airfare is just under $1500 at the moment, with the price obviously going up the longer we wait. My situation with work as of late has been dismal, with trouble securing freelance work, difficulty getting paid for any work I do find, and a rather discouraging job hunt for something outside of visual effects.

As a result, I’m trying something a little different here. I am reaching out to people online, rather than mailing out letters, in the hopes that I may reach many more people who would be willing to donate small amounts in a very short amount of time. My means of doing this is providing a PayPal donation button (see below). I can’t offer much in return like we did on our IndieGoGo campaign last year, other than my deepest gratitude. But I wouldn’t be surprised if a trailer for Breaking the Cycle found its way into your email inbox before anyone else gets to see it or something like that…

I have of course been thinking realistically, and considering the fact that I may not get to go to India three weeks from today. To be honest, as bummed as I would be, I would primarily be concerned with Emily having to do a lot of work on her own. A one-person crew is no picnic, and doing that overseas adds all kinds of obstacles. There is also the fact that I have a 10-year visa to India, so this would by no means be my final trip over there or anything. I actually said at the end of the 2012 trip that I can’t imagine ever leaving India without the intention of returning again. I just don’t want to leave Emily to do so much by herself.

If I raise some money through this effort but not enough to go, I will likely give the money to Emily so she doesn’t have to pay so much out of her own pocket. In the mean time, I leave it in the hands of those of you who have been so encouraging over the years.

With my deepest thanks,

Nathaniel Caauwe

UPDATE (Feb 15): I’m still hard at work trying to come up with money. I need a total of $2,000 for all of my expenses. I’m still only asking for help on the airfare, however, as that’s what needs paid for as soon as possible. I’ve managed to get some freelance work this week from two long-time clients, but I still have to take the time to get through the work, invoice, and await payment. That money will likely go toward the hotel, food and other expenses that come with the trip.




Microsoft Surface

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Last year I posted about the NoteSlate, a particularly neat concept for a low-cost e-ink tablet that uses a stylus. Well a tangible product has yet to show itself since then, and I’m not particularly holding my breath for it. At the end of my post, I joked about being bitter about the Microsoft Courier tablet. That bitterness dissipated earlier this year with the announcement of the Microsoft Surface.

For whatever reason, they decided to recycle the name of another product. At any rate, what the folks in Redmond have on their hands here is what I consider to be the first real challenger to the iPad. I will admit I’m the first to balk at anything that claims to be the long-awaited [market-dominating Apple product] killer. They tend to become famous last words. However, Microsoft is actually doing something different than everyone else. With Windows 8, they have created an odd tablet/desktop hybrid OS. Gone is the start menu, instead replaced by a rather clean “Metro” UI, although as far as I can tell, they’ve already ditched the term Metro before even shipping the OS. Whatever.

The Metro interface lends itself very well to touch screens. The animations are smooth and snappy, judging from my own first-hand experience with the latest builds. Under this though, is full-blown Windows. This presents a challenge of course. You have this great touch interface that will be awesome on tablets, but the rest of the OS will be a pain to operate. So you put it on a laptop or desktop, and you can use the bulk of Windows, but the Metro interface is clunky with a mouse and keyboard, at least until you master the shortcuts, so that’ll be less of a problem as people get used to it.

But people are moving toward tablets. Many want them to replace their laptops, but they simply haven’t been able to yet. This is where the Surface will shine, I think. Microsoft’s flagship Windows 8 device includes a smart-cover similar to the iPad, but within it, they have built in a keyboard and trackpad, and on the back of the tablet, a sleek kickstand to prop up the screen. But beyond that, and what I’m particularly excited about, is the pen support. The Surface is not just a capacitive touch screen, but also features a pressure sensitive pen. And it’s not just any pen. It uses Wacom’s Penabled technology that has been behind the old school tablet PCs for years, as well as what drives Wacom’s own input tablets. In addition to this, the Surface features a “palm block” technology, whereby once it detects the pen above the surface of the screen, it turns off the capacitive sensor. Wacom has been doing this with their pen & touch tablets for several years.

I use a Wacom Intuos4 for my work everyday, so I’m particularly excited about having that same technology in a tablet I can carry around. The fact that it’s running a full version of Windows also means I can have Photoshop with me. The USB 3.0 ports will allow me to dump photos from my 60D right into Lightroom in the field. Heck, when I’m doing a lot of Photoshop work, I might even consider using the Surface as a cheap Cintiq on my desk if I feel like working directly on screen. Oh, I might also point out that the Surface Pro is not just running on some tablet architecture like the Surface RT. The Pro packs an Intel Core i5, so it’s much closer to a legitimate laptop than any other tablet out there.

The Surface RT is supposedly going to release along with Windows 8 on October 26. The Pro version is supposed to debut 90 days later, yet some people have somehow determined this to mean Christmas. I dunno, maybe my calculator is broken, but that sounds more like it’ll be just in time for my birthday at the end of January ;)  No word on price yet, but rumors are saying it’ll be comparable to existing ultrabooks, which puts it in the iPad range. Microsoft would be stupid to price this thing any higher than the iPad. And no, the possibility of a $200 Surface is ludicrous. That’s for piece of crap Kindle Fires and other 7″ sub-tablets (haven’t used a Nexus 7 yet).

As you can probably guess, I’m not too enamored by the iPad anymore :P

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Breaking the Cycle

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I must admit to a bit of embarrassment. In all the running around with getting Cow Digital LLC established and organizing our fundraising effort for our upcoming film, I more or less forgot I have a personal website sitting here :P  When we launched last night, we did our routine sharing across Facebook and Twitter, a few people reposted, and we called it a night after what had been quite a long day. I can’t believe I failed to create a post here!

As such, I am pleased to more officially announce—with the help of Emily Kreutz, Nate Tacey, Caleb Baber, John Cotton and Lori Taylor—my first feature-length project, Breaking the Cycle, a documentary that intends to “shed light on the oppression of the Dalit people and the ongoing effort to educate their children and free them from a life destined for slavery.” This film is more than this year’s project for all of us on the team. It is a look at efforts that have been underway by much more amazing and resilient people for over a decade. There is no question that the Dalit people have come a long way in the past century, particularly since the turn of this one. But there is much work yet to be done, with hundreds of millions of Dalits still suffering untold oppression.

I hope many will explore our project and help us bring it to fruition. There is of course a larger picture at hand: the ongoing education and efforts to improve life for Dalits. 50% of all revenue generated from the finished film will go back to the schools in India. We also hope that the content of the film will inspire the next wave of independent support; audiences will be pointed to various organizations to which they can contribute.

I have attempted to make it as easy as possible to find and direct people to our IndieGoGo campaign. For those who know of this website, there is now a live widget on the right that links to it. If you Google for Cow Digital, or visit the website, you will see the above photo which links to the campaign page. And finally, we have a domain name, www.BreakingtheCycleFilm.com which automatically redirects people to IndieGoGo. That domain name will be switched to its own website for the film once fundraising is over.

I hope you can help us spread the word, and thanks for reading!

Foreground: Sarah Wapelhorst, mid: Jessica Metcalf, background: Jon Collins

What Were we Doing in India Anyway?

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I realize it would normally be a little late to fill people in on what I was doing in India clear back in July, but since it directly connects with what we’re doing this year, this is as good a time as any.

Back in 2003, a group of high school students here in Norfolk, NE became aware of the Dalit people of India. Considered outside the caste system entirely, the Dalit have been oppressed for thousands of years. The term “Dalit” is actually self-prescribed, meaning “crushed” or “broken.” The concept originated from clay cups that Indians would use for their Chai tea times throughout the day. Upon finishing their tea, they would throw the cups on the ground and destroy them, so they always knew that a Dalit had not drunk from it, lest they defile themselves. The concept originated from clay cups that are often used by Dalits in public settings instead of metal or glass, after which they are expected to smash them on the ground so that upper castes will not risk reusing a “defiled” cup.

For generations, Dalit were known as “untouchables.” Although untouchability and any caste discrimination was outlawed thanks to the Indian constitution in 1950, as is usually the case, morality cannot simply be legislated. Discrimination continues to this day to the tune of more than 172 million Dalits across South Asia (166 million in India alone). They are generally denied education or jobs outside their family trade, and many are beggars on the streets, either by necessity or for a pimp, or victims of human trafficking.

The students in Norfolk came in touch with an organization that builds schools for Dalit children, and they decided they would like to pay to build one. The amount required was $24,000, and astonishingly, they raised that money within about six months. After sending the money, they were eager to go visit the school. Eventually it was arranged, and of course when they got there, the school had yet to be built. However, they saw the land and spent time with the children who were at a smaller location in the nearby village.

The following year, students from Norfolk returned, and there was still no school built. These summer trips soon became a regular thing, and by the third trip, the school was up. Each summer, a team comprised of new people and alumni from across Nebraska and the sometimes the US, returns to visit the same school, developing lasting relationships with the students and staff. When the teams asked if their travel expenses would be better served building more schools, the staff insisted that their trips were worth it. They were used to receiving money from overseas, but for this American group to come see the fruit of their giving was unheard of and extremely valued.

My Trip

I came into the picture in 2009. Quite a few of the India alumni were people I knew in high school, but had not hung out with at the time nor had any clue what they were doing with their summers. Three years ago I found myself hanging around these cats regularly, and I watched two groups head off to India and return with stories… but not a whole lot of photos. That’s where it occurred to me I could serve. Shortly after the India 2010 group returned, I expressed interest in going along the next year as their official photographer.

Over the coming months, I of course encountered much—working in Toronto, two collapsed lungs and surgeries, a four-month stint in the Bay Area—and before I knew it, we were in our final preparations for the trip. Everything worked out quite well. I was able to keep up with my bills, fund the majority of my trip myself and get new camera equipment to take along. As we got closer to leaving, the idea to shoot more video came about, and we thought I might end up producing a little documentary on the trip itself—it was a special one: the largest yet (27 people) and it included several parents of younger team members.

Once I got to India, I was extremely caught up in the photography. It’s like being dropped into a National Geographic article. As a photographer, it was quite overwhelming for me; the things I was seeing and wanting to capture. Within a couple days, I knew I wanted to return with proper video equipment and devote an entire trip to shooting video instead of photos. I began to see the larger picture (pardon the pun) at hand, and a title even popped into my head that helped refine my future project.

Breaking the Cycle

Right now, along with a small team, I am in pre-production of a documentary titled Breaking the Cycle, which will aim to introduce the world to the Dalit people—the slums, the villages, the street life—and highlight at least the school we visit, if not a couple more, and what is being done to educate Dalit children. We hope to show the difference an education makes for them and their families. This year, the first class will graduate from our school, which we intend to make a large part of the film—even traveling back in February 2013 for the graduation ceremony.

Although our film team will be leaving ahead of the main Nebraska team and frequently be on our own schedule, we will not in the least ignore the effect they have every year on the kids. Among classroom activities and cultural blending (which benefits everyone involved), the most fun is had during recess. For a people with a history of untouchability, it is hard to imagine what it is like to have people travel around the world just to play with you.

With the film, we hope to inspire more people get involved and sponsor kids to end the vicious cycle of the caste system.

A video of last year’s trip that highlights some of the fun we had, cut together to show to new people wanting to go this summer.

Edit: Oh right! Almost forgot to mention… we’ll be launching an IndieGoGo fundraising campaign pretty soon (like, a couple of weeks hopefully) for Breaking the Cycle. There will be DVDs, blurays, photo prints, and other goodies as backer rewards. Keep a lookout for that :)

Edit 2: Changed the feature image.

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Photos!

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Well after months of sifting through photos again and again and again (seriously, I’ve been through them one-by-one several times), I am pleased to finally present the India photos online in their [essential] entirety. You can see them over at SmugMug, where the galleries look fantastic, and prints are available through Bay Photo.

India 2011 Galleries

The galleries have been online for about 5 days, but with private access only for the team. I was hoping they would populate them somewhat with neat comments, but nobody has yet, even given the huge number of views. Oh well, I hope they’ll still speak up. I’m going to continue working on building up descriptions and keywords, and probably some more video clips here and there. But at the moment, there are plenty of people bugging me about where they can see these, so now they can!

I deliberated for awhile about what to do with regards to copyrighting these, and had things prepared to register, but ultimately I decided “screw it” and am treating these like pretty much anything else I post. I consider them under Creative Commons, and I’m not going to worry about it. Plus I can’t think of how many people would take these photos for commercial use. So feel free to share them and even play with them, just as long as credit it provided; a link back to the image on SmugMug is fine ;)

I hope everyone enjoys viewing these images as much as I enjoyed creating them! Oh, and the above screenshot is from an unlisted collection of my personal favorites. I figured it would be a nice one to showcase on my site since it has such a variety of photos. I might make that collection public; not sure ;)

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Thoughts on Airport Security

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Today I signed a petition to abolish the TSA. Their extravagant displays of perceived security are a joke, and it’s becoming more and more of a waste of time and tax payer money. I don’t particularly enjoy having to arrive so early to the airport that driving becomes negligibly longer than flying (my trip back from Toronto last year was only five hours shy of driving). Obviously, if you’ve noticed my most recent posts, you’ll know I travelled a lot by air this year. As such I’ve been able to observe airport security outside the US and acquired a few interesting and telling anecdotes of the state of the TSA.

I posted in February about how my flight from Phoenix to San Francisco was delayed and then cancelled because of a bomb threat. The concern for our safety was of course very apparent. But their reaction was nonsensical. The guy who threatened our flight was in the terminal after everyone had boarded, and he was hauled off by the police. Of course that doesn’t rule out that he could have had an accomplice onboard. But as far as I knew, we were all in Phoenix on layovers and had been through security at other airports. Instead they took us off and ran us through security again.

It was clear though, that the bigger concern was that something had been smuggled into the cargo. I watched them begin to empty the plane again, and the Phoenix police arrived with their bomb squad, and in the end, they took the plane away to be searched and US Airways got a new plane, new crew, and created an entirely new flight for us. Was the problem with any of the passengers or did the TSA discover something? Of course not! In fact, it could have dealt them a huge blow in PR if they did find something they previously missed. It would’ve been “thank God that guy threatened the flight in the terminal and gave the TSA a second chance or it really would’ve blown up!”

Internationally speaking, we had far better experiences with security overall than I’ve witnessed with the TSA. On our way back from India, I noted how minimal the Indian security seemed. It was just a metal detector and an x-ray machine for our carryon items. I don’t think we even had to remove our laptops. And no need to remove shoes or every little piece of lint from our pockets. They walked us trough and then waved a handheld metal detector around us real quick, and only patted cargo pants pockets, which seamed reasonable to me.

We did have one annoyance when they had a couple of us (myself included) empty our bags of all electronics and ran them through upwards of four times. But it made sense in the end. What they found was something they thought they saw on the x-ray, but missed which bag it was. It was a multi-purpose tool, which included a knife, in the bottom of someone’s bag. The owner actually had no idea it was in there and let them take it with no problem. Here’s the funny thing: it made it through Eppley, O’Hare and Heathrow the week before. Nice job TSA (granted, UK missed it too, but TSA missed it twice).

In London, two of our team members actually joked with the security personell that they should thoroughly check the other, because they “totally looked like they would have a bomb”… and the guards just laughed! You say the word bomb in any context in a US airport and you’re gone.

Hell, our only actual mishap with Heathrow’s security was when Tim Metcalf and I were taking the photo you see above. We were on a five-hour layover after a seven-hour flight, bored, with cameras and a tripod. Of course we’re going to get interesting shots in a busy international airport! But I’m convinced that the reason we were told not to take pictures was not some inherent security risk. I think it was because we were on a tripod and frankly, posed a traffic hazard. Just a few seconds before we were stopped, I began to close my 60D’s LCD and was turning to Tim to say “I think we’re getting in the way now.” Plus, after that encounter, we went back upstairs, whipped out a video camera and wired a mic onto Tim and had him recount the story while standing right in front of the security lines, and no one did a thing.

The real revelation was returning to the US and being struck with how angry every airport employee seems to be with their job. The lack of any sense that the travelers they’re dealing with are human beings is startling. It became apparent how much everything is just designed to give us the perception of security. I can remember when the south terminal of Eppley in Omaha was a long hallway where the security checkpoint was a threshold into the terminal. Now it’s a maze of security displays that extends all the way to the center island of kiosks. In the end they actually miss real security problems (the knife above that made it through TSA twice). I was also shocked when a lady in front of me in Chicago had to remove some articles of clothing and empty things from her bag, but the TSA official wouldn’t hold her infant child for a few seconds while she complied with their demands. She instead was left standing there unable to do anything, so I hurried and put my belt back on and offered to hold her baby for the eight seconds it took for her to get her effects back in order.

And to be honest, I think it’s a pointless endeavor to continually jack up airport security after 9/11. The terrorists knew they had one shot at hijacking planes. They knew we’d be on alert, so they’re not trying to take planes every other day. The fear and paranoia 9/11 seems to have caused is exactly what they were going for. America in fact succumbs to terrorism with every added “security measure.”  We would be better served to understand the cultural Jihad that is actually taking place throughout the country. If homegrown terrorists start cropping up, then we’ll have the security environment the TSA thinks exists right now. Efforts should be taken to avoid that day instead of pretending we’re secure until it arrives. Just see what former Jihadists have been saying for years if you don’t believe me.

BTW, hi big brother! :P

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Fun in the India Sun

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This would have been much more fitting as a first image, but that couldn’t be done since this was taken on the last day. One of our team leaders, Megan Lund, had the idea to line the kids up and spell out India, and take it from above. I jumped at the idea because I of course had my 8mm fisheye on the trip, which would be fantastic for the shot. We debated whether we should do all caps, lowercase, or what, since we weren’t sure how many kids it would take. I offered up the idea to spell it out like “INDiA,” which in my mind looked neat, but I didn’t really have a sense of the spacing between the letters. There was a girl with a yellow dress on, so I hollered down to Tim to have her dot the I, but the students kept closing the gap since they were trying to form a nice neat line. In retrospect I think we should have went ahead and did a capital I, but we already had to halt the endeavor once and fetch a couple more classrooms, so we went ahead and took it. In the end, it proved a nice trap to then ambush the kids with water balloons from above, which triggered a water fight or two throughout the day, as seen below :)

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Timothy Metcalf

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The photo above is not my work. That stunning piece of imagery was captured by Timothy Metcalf, a 17-year-old student who has an amazing eye for photography. He ventured with us to India, along with two of his siblings, Danielle (who previously spent four months there) and Jessica. Tim was Nikon shooter, whereas I shoot Canon, which actually made things a lot more fun. The hardware of the two is virtually identical other than controls. In fact, it feels like many of the controls are arbitrarily flipped around for the sake of being different (light meters, lens attachment, zoom… all backwards). But I got to start learning new hardware, and was quite impressed with Nikon’s low light performance, quiet shutter and light weight. If I hadn’t already started investing in Canon lenses, I probably would have considered Nikon… well that and Canon’s video rawks ;)

From day to day though, we focused little on the camera wars and instead just had a blast being able to geek out over photography with each other. It was also awesome being able to bounce ideas off each other and see what the other one was shooting, or in a few cases just asking “what’d you shoot that at?!” Over time we found that we tended to have an eye for the same thing, and whilst sitting in the front of the bus shooting pictures out the windows, we would frequently hone in on the same shot… sometimes at almost the exact same time, as seen below. As a result we started separating whenever we could so we wouldn’t turn up with a bunch of the same stuff :P

Fortunately for Tim, he got to stay an extra week with his sisters and see more of India than just Hyderabad. He’s still recovering from jet lag at this point I’m sure, but he has already begun posting photos on his blog, which I encourage everyone to follow. We’re hoping to get together this weekend and start going through photos together. Meanwhile I’ve been rejecting thousands of my own shots to get things down to something manageable.

I was certainly thrilled to have Tim along taking pictures, and would jump at the chance to return to India with him to take more. The more we can do that, the more imagery we can bring back and show the world the oppression the Dalit face. It has been an eye-opening experience and I am eager to get things ready to show everyone.

Tim’s Blog

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Golden Moment

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Well I’m back in the states now, so I should go ahead and say upfront that this isn’t as much of a live update as I had hoped. I’ll be playing catchup over the coming days and possibly weeks as I find more photos I wish to publish and more stories to share along with them.

Photographing children in India is a double-edged sword. On one hand, they are adorable and photogenic as can be. On the other hand, I frequently found myself being swarmed by them once they saw the camera. Throughout the entire trip, I found that Indians in general are either indifferent to being photographed, or absolutely thrilled. Kids in particular love it, and if you take a picture of one, be prepared to take a picture of them all, and every combination of group pictures they can think of until you finally say “no” and walk away. And frankly, how often will you do that? :P

The little girl featured above and below was standing just outside a classroom where I was, waiting for school to let out. I saw her before she saw me, and I pivoted around to snap a photo of her leaning on the wall with her backpack, but not before she looked over. Once I clicked the first shot, she took her backpack off and turned, leaning on the wall. I snapped another shot. She started walking around the pillar. I snapped a third shot. Her eyes never left the lens. She was posing! This little girl was cute as can be and knew it! She finally got to the ledge and I moved out of the classroom to get a couple close-ups. I shot two (the first which is above) and was about to show her the images (another thing you have to do with Indian kids; “show me sir?”) and ask what her name was when the classrooms around us erupted and kids swarmed around me. Endless shouts of “one photo sir!” kept me down for a good 10 minutes, and I lost track of her, although she did end up in one group photo early on in the swarm.

This little girl was one of the quite kids and these are not only some of my favorite shots from the trip, but the story I just told about them will remain with me forever.